This Is How A Trip Changes Your Life

Jan 10, 2019

Coming back. After two self imposed weeks without any internet / apps / work emails / social media in Havana, Cuba.

December 26th 2018 — January 6th 2019

The open, loving, kind, giving, and friendly humans of Cuba tripled the size of my heart and made my two week off the grid solo adventure everything that it turned out to be.

I learned so much in Cuba. What it’s like to be born into a communist country with limited options, and how humans are doing so much more with so much less freedom, with much more hope than I can usually muster.

I left a new woman, forever changed and inspired by their warmth and generosity, especially in times and government conditions that most Americans would completely close others off in.

Once again my perceptions were shattered.

Coming Back — Day 1

Coming back.

Everything has changed.

Always a surreal experience.

Everything is surreal.

Head still spinning with a sleepy buzz as we land at Heathrow.

I decide to keep my phone and social media disconnected for just a few more hours.

I thought it would be the first thing I’d be dying to do after 12 days, as soon as I landed, but I really don’t want to.

I want to keep my Cuba buzz going for as long as possible.

I had been completely off the grid since December 26th, 2018.

It was surprisingly not too difficult, considering the persistent daily amount of time I spend on my phone for my full time job, side hustle gigs, and personal life.

It was probably because the disconnect was so desperately needed.

Full time, I work as a global SMB account management director, managing a $250 million, 13 person team that sit in offices across three continents, coming from nine different countries, covering 10 global advertising markets, and speaking over 10 languages.

I have the privilege of traveling for work constantly across three countries on three continents and it is a true dream job of mine.

But I constantly let my professional life takeover my personal life.

Managing 13 humans across three continents is no small feat.

I haven’t given myself enough credit, nor enough breaks to keep up my energy to handle it all.

Outside of work, I volunteer, chase down adventures across the world (45 countries, 45 US States, and 7 continents so far), write for my travel blog and as a travel journalist for other publications, run several of my own personal travel social media pages, and work as a freelancer helping successful entrepreneurs build their personal brand on social media.

I’ve done this for 11 years, and for years in NYC hustled 100 hour weeks to manage and build all of this.

It’s my dream life.

But how much time have I actually been taking to enjoy it?

How many of these dream moments were filled with heart pounding stress and anxiety?

Way more than I care to admit.

Needless to say, I was a fucking stressed out, sick, entitled, permanently jet lagged mess of a wreck when I left for Cuba.

So I made the definite decision to resist the internet all that came with it and I did.

I really went off the grid.

Solo in Havana for two weeks.

What an adventure to chase down, a trip I’ve dreamed about for a long time. I knew I had to make the most out of and truly be present while there.

I offloaded every app (except for maps.me — Cuba and Google translate — Spanish).

The compulsions to check emails, news, weather, Instagram and Facebook faded quietly after a couple of days.

I flowed and lived in the moment like I never had before.

I spent half the day solo — lost in books, getting to know Hemingway like I never have before, watching countless starry nights, sunrises and sunsets, and pouring my heart out in my writing.

I spent the other half of the day exploring, indulging in, and getting to know a country full of truly inspiring, humbling, downright wonderful human beings.

All of my previous perceptions and judgements were swept out to sea.

The universe introduced and exposed me to humans and experiences I would have never met if my face had been in my phone most minutes of the day, worried about and checking in on what was to come next.

It was freeing and enlightening.

Coming from the complete opposite feelings just weeks before, I knew I never wanted to get so far away from either of those feelings ever again.

But I get off the airplane and reality is right there waiting.

By now I know, it never really left me.

Since I was 15, I’ve purchased hundreds of plane and train tickets to far off places seeking to escape my current reality.

I run away, every time hoping reality will have changed by the time I returned.

I come back, every time with more tools to use to improve my reality instead.

It always gets better.

Until I fuck up again.

I use travel to transform my life.

The power of travel never ceases to amaze me, fuck with my head, evolve my heart, and make me churn at my core.

Power walking to UK Customs and taking all the stairs as usual to get the blood flowing after a flight. Cardio for the day, LHR is no joke. Traveling the world is my exercise.

I breeze through the airport, I’m a UK Registered Traveller now so it takes me seven minutes to cross the border. Traveling flows like breathing.

My light pink suitcase, TBD, pops out first. The big red suitcase, borrowed from my parents the day before at EWR (how did I accumulate so many things in 3 weeks?), pops out next.

Fuck, I should have peed before picking these up. Is it suspicious to put them back on the belt?

I lug them with me, does this count as resistance training?

Notice the full rolls of white toilet paper available, and am grateful to live in a country and first world culture of such entitled abundance.

When I arrived to EWR from Havana yesterday evening, the full force of high potency New York City energy crashed over me like a tidal wave.

This energy used to be my crack; now it feels like my post-Cuba kryptonite.

You just breathe, breathe twice, then go on.

I rebelled against the wave and had kept heavenly calm through two flights and 17 hours of traveling through Cuba / USA / UK.

Then, I connect my phone back on to the world.

The first app is downloaded — let’s be practical, it’s Uber.

The second app is downloaded — hello WhatsApp.

Hundreds of text and WhatsApp messages flood in. (At one low solo trip moment, I thought no one had messaged me, not even over New Years. Luckily I rightly concluded it was the Cuban cell service.)

Decide to avoid social media for justtt a little while longer.

I walk out of Heathrow, like I’ve done so many times before, and head to the elevator to meet my Uber driver.

Some assholes don’t make room to let me on! Fuck this shit! I jolt back, muttering curses under my breath and a lightening rod of anxious energy strikes.

Damnnn. My whole super Cuba chill and grateful vibe just flew right out the window. How did that happen so quickly!?

Wow. The pull of the world from my telephone had an immediate impact on my energy flow.

How quickly I let go of and forget about reality when I travel is beyond me.

I become conscious of this new stream thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them float on by.

I remind myself of all that I’ve learned, profess gratitude for my entire life, and get back in sync.

I also finally take off my bra — I’m wearing a huge fleece, why did I not do this 10 hours ago? Rookie mistake.

London is so irrefutably beautiful.

I stare in wonder out the window on the way home, passing the London Eye, and turning right at Tower Bridge. I receive all of my messages with love, and am so grateful for the caring, kind, and intuitive friends and family in my life.

I have freedom and choices. Where I live, where I work, what I say, where I go adventure.

Experiencing human life where this is not the case has gifted me a fundamental gratitude for a life of freedom and choices I was simply born into.

I lucked into this life. It never has and never will make me better than anyone else.

Seeing others without these basic rights made me realize that I could never rightfully complain about my everyday life ever again.

I appreciate my Uber driver’s quiet, gentle vibes, and at the end of the trip we chat about Cuba and I share photos I took of the cool old cars with him. I am grateful to share travel stories and am thankful for his time.

There is kindness flowing everywhere and it will find you if you just acknowledge it’s there and open up to it.

Home sweet home is just three flights of stairs away! I bring TBD (suitcase), my backpack (OMG we’ve been to 5 continents together and I’ve never named her? Such a bad travel mom.), and my purse up first.

The big red suitcase, filled with winter jackets and my treasured books that I insisted on traveling with to Cuba, is next.

I grab the handle in my right hand, steady myself on the railing with my left, and run it up all flights of stairs with brute force. I switch arms as I go, and consider weight training done for the day.

I’m home. The tidal wave of real life comes crashing in again, as she has done and will always do.

Rivers of thoughts about work life and personal life pool into my brain. I should go check the mail, I need to start laundry, how is my team doing, did we end up hitting goal in Q4, I could go find a yoga studio, I need to top up my electric, I should go grocery shopping, I could go walk across the Tower Bridge… should I just make a list?

Stop and remember what I’ve learned.

Fuck the shoulds and woulds and coulds.

I expected this. I talked to myself about this over many dinners. I wrote about this. I knew these rivers would rise.

I know exactly what I need to do.

Just be.

I breathe.

Light a candle.

Say hello to the things in my flat and am thankful to have so many nice new things.

I sit down.

Just be.

Unpacking can wait.

But, as they do, the waves surge again, and I dive into my phone.

Back on home WiFi, the connection is strong. Messages, sharing stories and photos, sending love.

Third app gets download, Snapseed, so I can start editing some Cuba photos — should I post on Insta later? What caption should I write?

Fourth app gets download, Weather Channel — thoughts about the future crash in — when is sunset today? Do I need an umbrella tomorrow? Will it rain this week? Will it be nice this weekend?

And hour and a half swishes by so quickly I barely notice it.

I suddenly come to and realize the time.

I had forgot that telephone time suck feeling while in my Cuba bubble, and it instantly revealed what a massive black hole my phone could really be.

Aware that not all phone time is bad time, I just need to remain conscious and not get sucked into a spell for hours while on it.

Decide that social media apps can wait for now. I’ll surf that tidal wave another day.

Time to just be.

Right here.

Right now.

This moment.

Phone goes on airplane mode.

Airplane Mode O’Clock.

I put music on. Dance around carefree.

Unpack only my souvenirs, lay them out, admire and appreciate each one.

Take photos of my new keepsakes. Consider sharing them on Insta, but I resist and keep this a private moment.

I reflect.

Sit in my window spot, legs propped up in the frame.

Take time to express gratitude for being able to move to London last year.

My Cuba creative vortex opens.

I daydream.

I start writing.

I write this.

Order a pizza, light a joint, sing badly and loudly to my favorite Taylor Swift songs.

Still writing.

Two hours later and it feels like I’ve been sitting here for hours and hours enjoying myself.

So. This is how you make the most of your time in Earth in the social media age.

Airplane Mode O’Clock.

Being in the moment.

No consistent and persistent phone alerts and checking.

Whether solo or together.

Releasing thoughts or worries about the future.

My fifth, sixth, seventh, etc apps are sure to be downloaded again in the coming days and weeks as I ease back into my full time life.

Social media will flow back into my life, and I do welcome it. I love the power it brings to connecting, sharing, and hearing stories from around the world.

But I will retain control of that power everyday, day by day, moment by moment.

It’s my choice.

I will be happier and more peaceful everyday.

I will practice Airplane Mode O’Clock everyday.

I will make a consistent and persistent everyday effort to just be.

Just be.

Coming Back — Day 2

Dun dun dun. Now for my biggest challenge… keeping the Cuba chill going back to work.

My advertising tech career for past 10 years in NYC and one year in London has turned into everything and more I’ve dreamt it to be. It’s demanded a lot, and I’ve given it my all to get to this point.

I know I’m in big trouble again if I don’t let myself just breathe and just be when I go back to work.

The morning has arrived.

It can no longer be put off.

Work emails and work calendar goes back on the phone.

This is where an entire world of responsibilities tidal wave crashes in full force.

Emails, chats, meeting requests flood in.

I have to retain my power.

I decide to not even open emails until I get to the office, that will be going down the rabbit hole.

But I do peak into my calendar, start accepting invites, and see that I have meetings scheduled 10AM — 8:30PM today.

Deep breaths.

One thing at a time.

Just be.

Remember that this job is my choice and I have the freedom to leave if I wanted. Some people don’t have that option, so I express gratitude for what I have.

People would and have died for my kind of first world freedoms and problems. So I’ll deal with work when I’m at the office. Right now, I’m not there, so I don’t.

Get ready for work.

Just be. Breathe.

Put music on, phone down, and enjoy my time getting ready.

I arrive to the office. The tidal wave hits immediately, and I’m sucked in and under faster than I can blink.

I am so excited to be back and I adore the brilliant, cool, and caring team I work with, but my head is spinning trying to adjust.

Hello real life.

The hurricane of responsibilities storms all day long. I hadn’t checked emails since before Christmas, and the weight of all is right back on my shoulders.

I do my best to remember to breathe and keep my global perspective and gratitude when myself and others get stressed at multiple points during the day.

It really helps.

But the force of the energy swirling back is undeniable, and I know I’ve gotta get back up to speed, this is the life I’ve created and I need to face it.

But it’s my choice. I have choices and options that I am grateful for and I practice that fundamental gratitude.

Some humans born in other countries don’t have these choices. I do. I choose not to complain anymore.

I’m thrown into the deep end in a meeting with my VP. Global end of year reviews and salary negotiations (in US dollars, British pounds, and Thai baht) are due ASAP, the deadline looms over my head.

I knew this was coming, yet I seemed to have gotten out of and forgotten how to swim in these currents.

Then, I remembered what I learned.

Take a late lunch break and step outside to breathe and just be.

One step and one day at a time.

I get back to the office and dive in deeper.

Finding that my ability to focus on one task and not get sidetracked about future shit has improved.

Can’t worry about the future so much anymore.

Multitasking is great, but not always productive and by working in the moment, I start to get more quality work done faster.

However, once I open that work worry floodgate, the personal real world responsibilities stream in too, and another tidal wave hits before I’ve recovered from the last one.

I’ve got to pay my credit cards, I never paid my electric, really need to do laundry, can’t wait to start working on my freelance gig, and so many Cuba posts I want to write and share…

I work like crazy, have meetings past 9pm, and finally wrap up at 10pm.

Fuck. Exactly what I said I wouldn’t do.

But I have a great responsibility in my role for the 13 employees on my team, I take great pride in their work; I won’t and can’t let them down.

I just forgot how much of my energy it used up.

It closes the creative vortex.

Havana and London, they’re incompatible.

Finding the balance. It will take practice.

Just be.

Take it one day at a time.

I can handle this moment and that’s all I need to do.

Overall, I handled coming better than I had in the past. I didn’t get upset or stress myself into a total tizzy, I remained grateful, and did make time to just be during the day (which I can usually never do).

I was going to get back on social media tonight, but I opt for Airplane Mode O’Clock to end the day instead.

Editing and posting photos, commenting, answering DMs, etc can all wait.

It’s not too hard to resist. Maybe I have gone a little cray?

Self care must come first.

Today is the day I start putting myself and my mental / emotional / physical health first everyday.

I’ve seen the other side and retain power in my life choices.

Phone goes off.

I acknowledge all the thoughts flooding in about work and adulting, and let them go.

Tomorrow is another day.

I meditate, disconnect, and write.

I climb into bed, curl up with Hemingway.

Just be.

Coming Back — Day 3 and beyond

Reality cannot be avoided any longer. Necessary adulting tasks pile up.

I need to be able to channel the Cuba creative vortex, but I cannot live in it full time here in London.

I have to go grocery shopping, my electric runs out and I wake up in a cold and dark flat, my hot water is still broken, I need to make a dentist appointment, I still haven’t unpacked, I really need to do laundry, and my credit card bills are all due to be paid right now.

I face reality.

I make a list.

I review my goals.

I work on what I will first post about my Cuba experience on social media.

Everything has changed. How the fuck do I even begin to explain all of this?

As of day four post-Cuba, I’m still refraining from engaging in that world… I’m holding out just a bit longer while I can for my zen.

I jump back into reality and hit the ground running.

But I’m forever changed.

I carry my Cuba life lessons around closely with me now.

I appreciate and express gratitude for my fundamental human rights persistently throughout the day. This basic practice keeps me within my Cuba enlightenment vortex.

I check myself before I wreck myself with stress over things that others literally die to be stressed over.

I just be.

Life will never be the same.

If you’re a traveler and not a tourist, every trip will change your life.

This one shattered mine, and helped me to find peace and appreciation for every single piece of it that I have.

Coming Back — Overall Aftermath

Damn. So this whole zen thing I found really is an everyday, every moment effort.

Not a hard one, just a consistent one.

I just didn’t realize there was a difference before.

I used to believe that living in the moment meant that you can’t plan, or be productive or proactive.

I was wrong.

I quickly see now that you can live in the moment while planning, it’s just taking it one step at a time, instead of working yourself into a tizzy about 100 things at once, so you can indulge in and enjoy whatever your working on or doing.

The iPhone is the greatest and most powerful invention ever. We have so much power at our fingertips, it’s no wonder we get sucked down into it’s rabbit hole frequently.

But there has got to be a balance and we must use it consciously to retain the power.

Being in Cuba for two weeks without use of my phone showed me the other side of the power of not using my phone 24/7.

Obsessively checking work emails, texts, the weather, social media, and other stupid unnecessary shit was doing nothing for me, my goals, and my peace of mind.

I lost my power and a lot of my time.